Affirmations? No, thank you!

If you're online at all, you've probably come across the idea of 'positive affirmations' in your algorithm once or twice. A positive affirmation is a positive statement that you say to yourself in an effort to rewire your brain into healthier thinking patterns. Just tell yourself you're beautiful every morning in the mirror and one day you will believe it! Keep telling yourself that you are strong and one day you will feel it! Say it out loud, "I'm amazing!" and watch your confidence grow!

Well, that's the idea anyway.

But while some people may report they find some benefits from affirmations, it doesn't work for a lot of us. Not to mention the fact that it feels a bit silly or disingenuous. Aren't I just lying to myself?

On its face, it seems like an easy idea: just to say something to get something. But just saying something, doesn't actually change anything. And telling yourself something you don't really believe can be a lot of emotional work.

The truth is, your negative thoughts likely far outnumber your positive ones. Even in moments when we are able to conjure up some pep in our thinking or a helpful notion that keeps us moving forward, it is with great effort that we get there. And even when we are feeling good, it might not take long for uncomfortable thoughts about the future or the past to creep in on us. If you can't even remember the last time you saw value in yourself or its far and in-between, talking yourself up is going to be like convincing yourself you have ten dollars in your wallet even when you don't!

Your brain can be rewired, but it's not as easy as unplugging one switch and plugging in another. Your brain is complex, the wiring runs deep. It's going to take more than just saying some things to get real change.

The goal of an affirmation is really to get you to see yourself in a better light. Because when you do that, it's more likely you will feel good and more likely you'll make positive change. But there's a better, easier way to do that.

It starts with the facts.

The facts are this:

You are human.

Humans make mistakes. Humans are imperfect.

Simple as that.

Instead of declaring a bunch of stuff about yourself you don't believe, tell yourself the facts: You are a human. You have and will make mistakes. You will never be perfect.

As a human, you will get the opportunity to lose, to be embarrassed, to put your foot in your mouth, to laugh, to cry, to win, to say something stupid, to be a good friend, to be a bad friend, to just exist. All of us do.

Give yourself the permission to be a human being. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made and are currently making. You don't have to tell yourself you're beautiful. But you do have a body. A body that needs sleep, nutrition, exercise and a shower. You don't have to tell yourself you are strong. But you do have a mind capable of experiencing a lot of emotions. It's okay if those emotions are heavy and that you feel weak. You don't have to tell yourself that you are amazing. But you are human. Humans have

been known to do some pretty amazing things.

Instead of trying to rid yourself of "negative" thoughts and replace them with "positive" ones, do yourself a favor and just let the thoughts be. You are human. Humans have thoughts. Humans have feelings. And that's okay! Just because you have thoughts and feelings doesn't mean it has to control you.

One more fact:

Humans can take action.

Just because you have difficult thoughts, doesn't mean that they own you. Just because you have heavy feelings, doesn't mean that is who you are. Remember that you are human, and that you have control over your body and your mind.

So you're having the thought that you look terrible and your outfit sucks? You're human! Sometimes, your outfit is going to suck. That's okay. You can still go to the party in a bad outfit. Don't let it stop you from experiencing joy.

So you're having the thought that you can't do it because you're a failure. You're human! Sometimes we can't do it. Sometimes we fail, miserably. Don't let it stop you from trying again.

Now, this doesn't mean we can just let everything go and not hold ourselves accountable. Humans need accountability. We need healthy and reasonable expectations. We also crave growth. So, letting go of being something you aren't, allows you to take ACTION in the direction of who you want to be.

Saying something doesn't change anything! You have to act! But your thoughts and feelings constantly stand in your way. So, if you let those have less power over you, you can take steps to get to where you want to go. "I am human" isn't an affirmation, it is a state of being. Allow yourself to be, so that you can start making choices aligned with where you want to go.

One more thing:

Humans have worth.

For no other reason except that they are human.

But it might take a while to recognize that one. The point is: it's hard to just replace our difficult thoughts with positive affirmations. It's easier to recognize the human condition, and give yourself the permission to live it. Don't let the human condition stop you from pursuing what you want.

Let go of the affirmations. Start being human again.